FUCK THEORY

PSA: FYI

I say “get you moved” deliberately, because it’s not like said zealot will deign to speak directly to you.  Instead, they will go to a flight attendant, and with a big fake smile and the practiced faux-piety of well-oiled religious self-righteousness explain that they’re uncomfortable sitting next to a woman they’re not married or related to.  They’ll also explain that they don’t want to make a big deal out of it.  The flight attendant, who is trained to be responsive to customer requests whenever possible, and who is probably tired, overworked, and unfamiliar with the shameless manipulations of Hassidim, to boot, will try to strike an effective balance between the needs of everyone involved.  So rather than come over and tell you that the crazy nutbag in the seat next to you is a chauvinist pig, the flight attendant will come over and politely inform you that there’s a great seat open a few rows a head and would you mind switching seats. 

This is where the polished brilliance of the douchebaggery kicks in. 
If an obvious religious zealot comes up to you and says, “I can’t sit next to a woman, can you move to another seat?” most self-respecting women would tell him to go fuck himself.  But when a flight attendant in a uniform come up to you and says, “There’s a good seat open a few rows up, would you mind switching?” without any mention of religious reasons, the average passenger thinks, “This is an official request from an official-looking person in a uniform, and I get just as good of a seat in exchange.  No skin off my back, I’d be rude to refuse!”  Suddenly, instead of being a case of blatant religious sexism, you’ve been painted into a corner where the situation is a question of manners, not of principle.  And who wants to antagonize both a flight attendant and their neighbors right at the beginning of a 12-hour flight?  In this manner, before you even realize it, your sense of basic decency has been manipulated into indulging theocratic fanaticism. This move is especially effective with foreigners, particularly American foreigners who have been raised with a credo of cultural relativism and certainly wouldn’t want to offend the customs of a foreign land before they ever step foot in it. 

In other words, this con is a different version of the classic dialectic by which sexism is used to prevent women from resisting that very sexism.  If you move to a different seat, you’re playing along.  But if you refuse, you’re a stubborn cunt - so you’re also playing along, because no matter how the situation plays out, you won’t get to escape the situation with your dignity intact. 

I witnessed precisely this maneuver yesterday on my flight home from Tel Aviv.  I’ve seen it before, and some asshole tried to pull it on my little sister a while back.  Hence this PSA.  If you should ever find yourself on a flight to or from Israel and someone tries to pull this shit on you, take a deep breath, and realize that the imperatives of politeness in no way require you to give up your properly assigned seat.  You are fully entitled to stay in the seat you’ve been assigned, cultural relativism or no cultural relativism.

Of course, the halitosis unfortunately prevalent in the ultra-orthodox Hassidic community might make you more than willing to give up your seat, anyway, but that’s a whole different kettle of fish.